Help please? Advice for improvement :D?

this was reallly good. the only thing i might suggest as a writer myself... you might want to cut out some description. for example you described her appearance a litttle too much. save some of it. like descirbe her hair in this scene and her eyes in another so its not so obvious what youre doing. also in the second paragraph proper grammar is "If you would have told me then that I **would*** end up like this because of a boy.." just keep track of your past present and future tenses because they're easy to mix up. i do it all the time. good luckkk! i'd love to read more if you'd want to email me